


A Moment with Jeff Vader

by aloislanz



Category: Eddie Izzard - Standup Routines
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-24
Updated: 2009-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-05 03:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloislanz/pseuds/aloislanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Please, gentlemen.  I am so hungry.  Is there anything you can give me?  Before I eat this tray?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Moment with Jeff Vader

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SeaBunny (BeBunny)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeBunny/gifts).



> A silly little stocking stuffer for Seabunny. Merry Christmas!

It's a sad day for Jeff Vader. His brother tried to kill him this morning, crew members are ending up mysteriously choked to death in the corridors, and all he wants is a little pork stir-fry to close out his day.

It is proving...difficult.

"No more stir-fry?"

"No more stir-fry. For at least another hour."

"Why would it take so long?"

"We gotta find the pig."

"But I'm hungry now."

"Shoulda been 'ere an hour ago."

"Is there anything I can eat?"

"Well...we got bean sprouts."

"Bean sprouts."

"Yeah. Only you can't have 'em, 'cause they're for the stir-fry, an' if I give 'em to you, we'll run out."

"Do...do you know who I am?"

"Do you know who *I* am?"

"Are you...George?"

"Yeah! That's right! Lou, c'mere!"

"Wot?"

"This guy figured out me name, an' I never even told 'em!"

"But it's on yer shirt, Georgie."

"...Fuck off, Lou."

"Ahem. But back to my original question, gentlemen. Do you know who I am?"

"No. Should we?"

"I'm Jeff Vader."

"Cor! You're Jeff Vader? Creator of the Death Star?"

"Well, actually-"

"He ain't Jeff Vader. I served Jeff Vader, an' 'e's got a black mask an' a poncy cape."

"No, actually, that was my brother, Darth Vader."

"Who?"

"Darth Vader."

"Garth Vader?"

"Darth Vader."

"Bert Vader?"

"Darth Vader."

"Alligator?"

"Ah...no. The first one. Garth. He's Garth Vader."

"But 'e told me 'e was - "

"Fuck off, Lou."

"Please, gentlemen. I am so hungry. Is there anything you can give me? Before I eat this tray?"

"Well, we might be able to find somethin' for you, Jeff Vader. But could you do somethin' for me, first?"

"Sure. Anything. What do you want?"

"Could you choke Lou wivout usin' your 'ands? You don't have to kill 'im or anythin', I just wanna see it."

"Actually, that's my brother, Dar- um, Garth Vader, who does the thing-"

"C'mon, Jeff Vader! CHOKE ME WIV YER BRAIN!"

"...never mind. I'm not hungry after all."


End file.
